A has pain in her eyes for a while. I took her to the doctor and I was expecting to hear that she needs glasses. She is just 3. The doctor checked everything she can think of, and said that she couldn't see anything particular to worry about. She had an ear infection, so the conclusion was that she experienced the pain from her ears as from her eyes.
Tonight I was starting to write - finally - a new post when I heard this strange sound: somebody coughing like choking... scary. I hear that sound lately and I run upstairs and cannot figure out which girl it is. They both look OK. So tonight, I decided to listen from under the stairs and the sound came from A's room. I sneaked in her room to see that she is sitting in her bed, in dark, bended to something. Fully concentrated, trying to keep herself from coughing (the roots of the strange sound!) and ... time to time holding her eyes. I turned on the light to find out that she was trying to make a wooden puzzle out a book! Of course her eyes are hurting, my eyes would hurt if I try to puzzle in dark! I thought that she was sleepwalking actually, but she was awake, she knew who she was and who I was and she managed to ask me to finish the puzzle,with little tired eyes. Kids!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
How to deal with 'busy' times
This is a new journal I decided to start, though the kids are attending a Montessori school for almost a year now. They started when they were 2 and 4. F is now 5,5 and A just turned 3. You can find the postings also on the right side of the page, under 'How Montessori are we?'
We didn't know Montessori system besides that it existed. There are Montessori schools in Holland but we didn't choose to send F there when she turned 4. There was a good public school just around the corner and the closest Montessori didn't look appealing.
There is a whole post - maybe a couple - about how we came to choose the current school after we moved to the states. It was actually F who decided between the 2 school that we liked. Not one day I regret the decision. I have learned a lot about raising happy kids thanks to this school and I find many answers to the challenges I face as a mother. (sorry for the dramatic voice...:))
Anyway, F is a very nice and happy kid. She is responsible (like many 1st kids) and I trust her judgement of what is dangerous and what is not. I can reason with her: if I can explain to her why she is not allowed to do something, other than saying 'because I say so', she understands it. When I thing about that part of her, she is so mature.
When it comes to listen and behave, well, she is often very sweet and listens -sometimes after couple of times repeating. But when she is tired or overexcited or sometimes I don't know why, she can get busy and just not listen to anything we say. That busyness ends up by me or P being mad and her being kind of out of control. She runs and jumps and does like she doesn't understand we are angry. She goes on till we are VERY angry and than she cries and shouts and sometimes hits and throws things and unfortunately sometimes bugs A till she cries - just to show us that she can do it. I had an experience with her that I felt very bad about in front of a friend. She was running and jumping and not listening and... she spit on my face. Not spit to spit, but more like sticking her tongue out and blowing wet air to my face. I felt double bad because my friend was there too.
Well, we had a long talk about it. I talked to F and later to P. I asked F to tell me what was going on. I really wanted to know if there was a reason she could tell me about her behaviour. I also told her how I felt when she was so out of control.
With P, I discussed more of a strategy.
We didn't know Montessori system besides that it existed. There are Montessori schools in Holland but we didn't choose to send F there when she turned 4. There was a good public school just around the corner and the closest Montessori didn't look appealing.
There is a whole post - maybe a couple - about how we came to choose the current school after we moved to the states. It was actually F who decided between the 2 school that we liked. Not one day I regret the decision. I have learned a lot about raising happy kids thanks to this school and I find many answers to the challenges I face as a mother. (sorry for the dramatic voice...:))
Anyway, F is a very nice and happy kid. She is responsible (like many 1st kids) and I trust her judgement of what is dangerous and what is not. I can reason with her: if I can explain to her why she is not allowed to do something, other than saying 'because I say so', she understands it. When I thing about that part of her, she is so mature.
When it comes to listen and behave, well, she is often very sweet and listens -sometimes after couple of times repeating. But when she is tired or overexcited or sometimes I don't know why, she can get busy and just not listen to anything we say. That busyness ends up by me or P being mad and her being kind of out of control. She runs and jumps and does like she doesn't understand we are angry. She goes on till we are VERY angry and than she cries and shouts and sometimes hits and throws things and unfortunately sometimes bugs A till she cries - just to show us that she can do it. I had an experience with her that I felt very bad about in front of a friend. She was running and jumping and not listening and... she spit on my face. Not spit to spit, but more like sticking her tongue out and blowing wet air to my face. I felt double bad because my friend was there too.
Well, we had a long talk about it. I talked to F and later to P. I asked F to tell me what was going on. I really wanted to know if there was a reason she could tell me about her behaviour. I also told her how I felt when she was so out of control.
With P, I discussed more of a strategy.
- No more threatening with things we will not do. Usually P(sorry honey) comes up with genial ideas as 'if you don't listen, I will bring your roller skates back'. We all know we will never do that! I think it is OK to say 'if you don't eat that no desert, if you don't go to bed, no story'. Just keep things in proportion and do what you say, even after peace!
- No more attention to bad behaviour. If one of the kids is crying, screaming, etc we will try not to get angry but set the child aside and give no attention. (we usually DO get angry - so give attention- and set the child apart) That 'attention' part is the key. It is quite hard to ignore somebody screaming and hitting a door! Usually we would be angry, tell why we are, try to explain, try to calm things down and at the end use timeout. Now, before getting angry, just say why and how long and send to timeout.. Every time the child does something I say like 'if you hit the door one more time, you will get an extra minute'. And give the extra minutes. The result: Easier to stay calm (this is the hard part), the other child gets the attention and hopefully the timeoutee calms down.
You probably say, so what, super nanny could teach you these a year ago. And where is the Montessori in this?
All things above are about how to react to the behaviour, which gets all the energy out of your body and needs the patience of the whole world. Come on! In one of the discussions at school, the head of the school told us how she introduced 'resting time' in her house. Without really believing, right after F came home and was getting busy again, I suggested to the girls to go to our separate rooms and spend sometime there. A went without any comment or resistance. F said she didn't want to. She accepted when I said I was doing the same. I was planning to try for 15 minutes. I had a newspaper and my cell phone as a clock. 40 minuted later, yes 40 minutes later A got out of her room with a happy face to see what we are doing. F didn't want to stop: she was tremendously enjoying her 'resting time'. We went downstairs because A was really done. We played some games and had a great time. F was my little happy girl again. She had energy, but it was positive. I was happy I had some rest during the day - hey, mothers deserve some of that, too! - An hour later, F asked of we could have another 'resting time'! The only down side is that she will not do it if the others are not doing it. Well, I cannot rest the whole day, somebody has to cook! But... she was in such a good mood, (we all were), the girls helped me with the cooking. They are supposed to do that according to the Montessori system, but we skip it so many days because one of the kids is tired and busy and not happy.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Trip to Turkey
There is so much to write again. I feel like on a Sunday afternoon at high school: I knew I had so much homework, but I just postponed it till now, and I know I will have to be awake till late to finish. At least that's what would have happened when I was a teenager. Now I will not feel guilty stopping and writing another day. No teacher to will be mad at me, only my own conscious...
Our last vacation in Turkey was great. What made it great was that the girls (especially F, A follows her anyway) decided that they could stay with their grand parents without me.
We left home on Friday the 13th - and we had no Friday the 13th horror - in a big limo. I love that part of the trip. The girls almost disappear in the huge car and they are so excited. In the plane, the girls watched their movies on the ipods and fell asleep for a long time. P was at the other side of the isle, so he slept too. I was the only one stuck between the two girls and totally stiff at the end of the journey.
We (P and I) managed to get a good jet lag this time. The 4 days that P spent at my parents, we slept till noon, spent the day half asleep and we watched TV till the morning. Yuck! The day I was taking P to the airport, F said she wanted to stay with my parents. A followed her sister. So I brought P to the airport, rushed back to see if the girls were sad, crying or torturing my parents. Of course everything was OK. After that I was having vacation, real vacation!
The first week-end, Ayse came from UK with her boyfriend. We met another friend of hers from university, Aylin, that I also knew and we went out. First dinner, after that to Alsancak. I found out that the new trend in UK is to drink champagne when you go out. I love champagne, but mixing it with wine and mojito is not a good idea. The nice thing about having a vacation is that you can wake up the next day and go to sleep again right after. Unfortunately, my vacation was not so ideal. I ended up suffering a bit, but it was so worthed. Who knows when I will see Ayse again, this was a great opportunity.
I went to the weekly bazaar with Pinar and with my aunt - you don't want to be there with kids. I went to have coffee with Pinar, I went to do shopping by myself, I went to Hesna for an evening, I had a dinner with Serkan, who I hadn't see for so many years. I am afraid his wife was very mad at me, because he was so late to pick her up from someones house she was visiting.
Of course we didn't celebrate only my vacation. We went to the playground with the girls, almost everyday. F started to speak quite some Turkish and she made friends each time we were at the playground. Yanki and Arya, my brother's kids were the best friends they had there. A was crazy about Arya and F was crazy about both. We went to my brother's house couple of times, to my aunt's, to Pinar's mother who baked cookies with the kids. She and the girls even made little clothes for Arya's doll. They love sewing, what a blast! (I heard my mother and aunt had to do most of the sewing, but well, maybe they needed some entertainment, too). My brother took me and the girls to a v-ball game. Not one of his, it was the final of the European Volleyball Challenge Cup. Arkas (Izmir) won the game. It was a great game to see, the sphere in the hall was amazing. The girls were at first a little reluctant, I even had to hold A's ears when it got super loud. But after a while, they were swinging with their little flags. So much fun!
We also had a real celebration: Arya's first birthday. Since we were leaving on the day of her b-day, the celebration was the week-end before. My mother somehow ended up making the b-day cake - good job to her! F and A bought their own little presents for Arya. It was so exciting for the girls.
I almost forgot the little celebration for P's b-day. It was quite hard to get Burak and my father to Alsancak for a cake, but we managed. We had little time unfortunately, Burak and Pinar had tickets to an opera. But it was nice to get together. It was also a little surprise for P that we had a cake and of course the girls are the ones that enjoy such things most. And Burak, if you read this, P still didn't get his present!!!!
One day, F decided to stay with Sakine abla, who works at my parents' house. A, my mother and I took the boat to Alsancak to visit the organization my mother volunteers. I think it was very nice for A, to have some time of her own with us. She doesn't get much of that. I have some very nice pictures of her on the boat, she looks so happy. F was very happy to stay home, too. She helped Sakine abla clean the house.
Of course we met Hesna and her family, Asli and her son and their new little baby cat. We also managed to arrange a little high school reunion. We went to a BBQ restaurant outside the city. It was nice weather so we could sit outside. Everyone came with their kids and I think that's very special. The kids got along well, they played for hours. Hesna's son Cem managed to fall in the pond and get wet and A was afraid of all the rabbits, chickens and other animals walking around on the grass yard.
We had so much rain actually, but somehow I cannot remember getting wet or getting annoyed. The last days of the vacation, though, the weather became very nice. We went to see the new zoo on one of the last and nicest days. The new zoo in Izmir (İzmir Doğal Yaşam Parkı, İzmir Wildlife Park) is very nice, I am impressed. The kids ran around from one exhibition to the other, from one animal to the other. When the tree will grow, it will be beautiful.
Then we left Izmir... That's what happens when you have nice time, time flies. I think my parents had a hard time saying good bye to the girls. After all, this was a special vacation. Finally the girls wanted to stay with them and do things with them alone. Our trip back had two stops: Istanbul and London. I was flying alone with the girls, so I decided to go to Istanbul one night before. I stayed at Pinar and Nadir's and finally met their kids. Their daughter is 12-13 years old. (sorry that I forgot it again). I didn't meet Pinar after university. Some people are friends for a lifetime. That's how it is with Pinar. After so many years, it was just like we've been seeing each other every other week. We had a long night full of conversation. Too bad it was just one night.
Since I was in Istanbul, Ayhos came all the way to Pinar's house to see the girls. That was a nice surprise, a bonus of the trip. Next time, I want to spend couple of days in Istanbul and see more people - or see the couple people I miss a little longer. Next time....I wonder when that will be.
2nd of April, we came back to US. Besides the London stop, everything went well. Once more, IPod is the best!!
Our last vacation in Turkey was great. What made it great was that the girls (especially F, A follows her anyway) decided that they could stay with their grand parents without me.
We left home on Friday the 13th - and we had no Friday the 13th horror - in a big limo. I love that part of the trip. The girls almost disappear in the huge car and they are so excited. In the plane, the girls watched their movies on the ipods and fell asleep for a long time. P was at the other side of the isle, so he slept too. I was the only one stuck between the two girls and totally stiff at the end of the journey.
We (P and I) managed to get a good jet lag this time. The 4 days that P spent at my parents, we slept till noon, spent the day half asleep and we watched TV till the morning. Yuck! The day I was taking P to the airport, F said she wanted to stay with my parents. A followed her sister. So I brought P to the airport, rushed back to see if the girls were sad, crying or torturing my parents. Of course everything was OK. After that I was having vacation, real vacation!
The first week-end, Ayse came from UK with her boyfriend. We met another friend of hers from university, Aylin, that I also knew and we went out. First dinner, after that to Alsancak. I found out that the new trend in UK is to drink champagne when you go out. I love champagne, but mixing it with wine and mojito is not a good idea. The nice thing about having a vacation is that you can wake up the next day and go to sleep again right after. Unfortunately, my vacation was not so ideal. I ended up suffering a bit, but it was so worthed. Who knows when I will see Ayse again, this was a great opportunity.
I went to the weekly bazaar with Pinar and with my aunt - you don't want to be there with kids. I went to have coffee with Pinar, I went to do shopping by myself, I went to Hesna for an evening, I had a dinner with Serkan, who I hadn't see for so many years. I am afraid his wife was very mad at me, because he was so late to pick her up from someones house she was visiting.
Of course we didn't celebrate only my vacation. We went to the playground with the girls, almost everyday. F started to speak quite some Turkish and she made friends each time we were at the playground. Yanki and Arya, my brother's kids were the best friends they had there. A was crazy about Arya and F was crazy about both. We went to my brother's house couple of times, to my aunt's, to Pinar's mother who baked cookies with the kids. She and the girls even made little clothes for Arya's doll. They love sewing, what a blast! (I heard my mother and aunt had to do most of the sewing, but well, maybe they needed some entertainment, too). My brother took me and the girls to a v-ball game. Not one of his, it was the final of the European Volleyball Challenge Cup. Arkas (Izmir) won the game. It was a great game to see, the sphere in the hall was amazing. The girls were at first a little reluctant, I even had to hold A's ears when it got super loud. But after a while, they were swinging with their little flags. So much fun!
We also had a real celebration: Arya's first birthday. Since we were leaving on the day of her b-day, the celebration was the week-end before. My mother somehow ended up making the b-day cake - good job to her! F and A bought their own little presents for Arya. It was so exciting for the girls.
I almost forgot the little celebration for P's b-day. It was quite hard to get Burak and my father to Alsancak for a cake, but we managed. We had little time unfortunately, Burak and Pinar had tickets to an opera. But it was nice to get together. It was also a little surprise for P that we had a cake and of course the girls are the ones that enjoy such things most. And Burak, if you read this, P still didn't get his present!!!!
One day, F decided to stay with Sakine abla, who works at my parents' house. A, my mother and I took the boat to Alsancak to visit the organization my mother volunteers. I think it was very nice for A, to have some time of her own with us. She doesn't get much of that. I have some very nice pictures of her on the boat, she looks so happy. F was very happy to stay home, too. She helped Sakine abla clean the house.
Of course we met Hesna and her family, Asli and her son and their new little baby cat. We also managed to arrange a little high school reunion. We went to a BBQ restaurant outside the city. It was nice weather so we could sit outside. Everyone came with their kids and I think that's very special. The kids got along well, they played for hours. Hesna's son Cem managed to fall in the pond and get wet and A was afraid of all the rabbits, chickens and other animals walking around on the grass yard.
We had so much rain actually, but somehow I cannot remember getting wet or getting annoyed. The last days of the vacation, though, the weather became very nice. We went to see the new zoo on one of the last and nicest days. The new zoo in Izmir (İzmir Doğal Yaşam Parkı, İzmir Wildlife Park) is very nice, I am impressed. The kids ran around from one exhibition to the other, from one animal to the other. When the tree will grow, it will be beautiful.
Then we left Izmir... That's what happens when you have nice time, time flies. I think my parents had a hard time saying good bye to the girls. After all, this was a special vacation. Finally the girls wanted to stay with them and do things with them alone. Our trip back had two stops: Istanbul and London. I was flying alone with the girls, so I decided to go to Istanbul one night before. I stayed at Pinar and Nadir's and finally met their kids. Their daughter is 12-13 years old. (sorry that I forgot it again). I didn't meet Pinar after university. Some people are friends for a lifetime. That's how it is with Pinar. After so many years, it was just like we've been seeing each other every other week. We had a long night full of conversation. Too bad it was just one night.
Since I was in Istanbul, Ayhos came all the way to Pinar's house to see the girls. That was a nice surprise, a bonus of the trip. Next time, I want to spend couple of days in Istanbul and see more people - or see the couple people I miss a little longer. Next time....I wonder when that will be.
2nd of April, we came back to US. Besides the London stop, everything went well. Once more, IPod is the best!!
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