Before we got here

For us, the adventure does not begin at the moment we actually move to the host country. First of all P, not too long after the decision, has to begin to work in the States. He leaves home 24th of September. I will stay here until I quit my job and we find a house there. There are things to be arranged. Our departure date is set to end of December. We have to see if we spend the new years eve here or there.

September 30
I talked to my boss and counselor about our plans already in the summer months. Now that the plans are definite I handed in my resignation today. It feels double. I know I will miss my colleagues, the excitement of a new project and the satisfaction when a good product is delivered to a customer –see, I am a CRM consultant with a big consulting company. I will not miss the stress of trying to get home on time to pick up the kids from daycare, the guilt I often felt when I had to bring a sick child to a relative, and the pure stress of an approaching deadline set just a bit too early because that’s how it works in consulting.
Wisdom: if your situation lets you to do so, play your cards open. I still find it was the best thing to do to talk to my boss early, even before our plans were definite. I only got support and good reactions. Moving abroad as an expat is different than going to a competitor.

I will work till the end of November. I will not be able to work 4 full days as I used to because of the absence of P. I have too much travel time, I cannot combine it with the daycare schedule.

Rest of September
I knew I was not going to have time to write daily, but this is worst than I could imagine. I don’t know how single mother can even work 1 day a week! I will have to summarize this period. I never had the chance to write.

October 1
Our little F is just starting school. It is so exciting for her and also for us. It is kind of odd knowing that she will leave school after Christmas holidays.

Last week of November: I go to USA to meet P and look for houses.
We stayed downtown, had a great time. Well, this is probably the only time we will have the chance to enjoy the city without kids to be entertained (which, honestly, I love to do). I love this city!
We looked together to couple of houses P selected in the last few weeks. The ones close to the city were really bad. As we get further from the city, the houses became better and better. The nicest house is 50 minutes to the downtown. This is disappointing for me; I want to be closer to the city. But it is a great place for the kids. The house have playground literally in its backyard. I can’t think of a better place to meet other kids and parents. With a little pain in my heart, we decided to take it. But of course I had to make things difficult for myself. I called P from the airport and told him that he should try to get another house that we saw. That one was a little above our budget and actually quite small. P said OK, he wants me to be happy here – so nice of him. In the plane I am calculating the size of the rooms and I think ‘what did I do?’. Do I actually think that we can live happier in a shoebox just because it is 30 min to downtown? I didn’t sleep the whole trip and I got off the plane with a big lip sore. I was lucky because the other house was not an option. We still go for the first house. P thinks I am strange, how could I be so happy the other house didn’t work out. I cannot blame him.

December:
Two days later P came home to spend most of December in Europe. We showed people the photo’s of the house. The next day, we got a message that the owners changed their mind – they were selling the house to some other people they were negotiating before us. Uups! P was not going back before the end of December, how on earth was he supposed to look for a new house.
This meant change of plans. We decided to move end of January, one month later than the original plan. I still stopped working at the end of November, had a very nice farewell from my work dinner, and became a house wife – I needed some practice before we left anyway. In December P was often home and we had our new years eve with friends instead of the four of us in the USA. That was very nice.
P left for the US at the beginning of January. Luckily, I had some friends and family around. I was invited for dinner with the kids, went shopping – with my own credit card, still got to get used to the idea -, went to the sports school – they actually have a babysitter service, had F’s friends over…. The most difficult moment was when we all got sick and didn’t have anyone to take care of us – except a friend who made a soup. I actually cried when my parents in law came two days later. They didn’t come because we were sick, I was going to the US for 2 nights to see the house P found.

The house:
I cannot say I didn’t feel any pressure. We wanted to move as soon as possible, we didn’t want to live apart with P anymore, he had enough of the hotels and the realtor was tired of us. P ensured me that if I didn’t like the house we would not take it.
I arrived the second time to meet P. I was still sick – I stayed in bed most of the journey. We went to see the house. It is in a small neighborhood. The backyard doesn’t really have neighbors. Not exactly the place I pictured us living in. It is a beautiful house though. So we took it.
F says goodbye to her class:
One of the difficult moments for me and F, the last day at school. It was a very nice farewell. F was OK, she didn’t really react to the events. At 10 o’clock, I went to school with A. F sat next to the teacher and she looked so proud. The teacher told the kids that F was leaving for America. She gave all the kids a small present and got very nice presents from some of the kids and from the class together. They had something to eat. A was sitting the whole time as the other kids on a small chair. She wanted to look like she belonged there. 30 minutes later I left with A. It was at the end of the school day that F was not like herself. She was doing like she was a baby, she didn’t want to say goodbye to other kids. My poor baby, she found it difficult to say goodbye, but she couldn’t explain it.
At moments like this, I just stop and ask myself if this is a step for the kids. I hope they will be happy in the US.

We are actually moving:
A Monday morning at the beginning of February, two men introduced themselves as the moving team. Two people? I was expecting an army. Well the second day, there were the three of them. The third and the last day, there were the six of them. It were very tiring days for me. P was in Europe but not around to help. Luckily the kids were at their grandparents. P came to see the last stuff being packed. We sat at the neighbor’s house and looked all our stuff going in a huge container.
We left to pick up the kids. We spent one night at P’s parents, left the next day to go back to the empty house. We thought it was a good idea to show them that all our stuff was gone. What do you think their reaction was? F actually danced in the empty house. A danced because F was dancing. No negative reaction at all! We said goodbye to our friends who were such a support for me and the kids the last couple of months. Thank you Katja and the kids, thank you Tanja and the family.
We spend our last night at other friends, Christine and family, who also deserve a thank you. Friday February 8, we left for US.

Business Class with two kids:
I always think it is very tiring to fly with the kids. I don’t like flying, and then I have to worry about everything for the kids. At least I thought we would have some comfortable trip, because we were flying business. The trip was much better than what I expected. The kids were just great. Even the gentleman sitting in front of us told me that the kids did very well, I was proud of them. Only, the some of the stewardesses didn’t think the same obviously, they were almost mean to us – others were nice. P actually asked one if she had a problem with us. The kids were not allowed to walk because they were disturbing other people – probably disturbing mostly herself. All of a sudden they couldn’t warm up milk. By the way, we were flying United, just in case you are looking for a ticket.
Hours later, we actually arrived to the States.

This is where the summary of the last months. From now on, the real blog will start.